Africa: Of a record six entrants, only Ghana showed up. The Black Stars put a little gloss on a familiar tale – politics, poor preparation and foreign coaches given too much money and not enough time. Sven took Ivory Coast for £2m and they didn’t make it out of their group.
Argentina: If only they’d had a coach… With no full-backs, two stars of Europe’s champion side mysteriously not selected and no Plan B, they needed more than bear hugs to make an impact.
Bridge, Wayne: England’s man of the World Cup. What a wise decision he made to stay away.
Ball boy of the tournament: Thomas Mueller, mistaken for a ball boy by Maradona at a previous game, exacted the ultimate revenge by scoring against Argentina.
Carbonero, Sara: The TV presenter WAG of Spain keeper Iker Casillas spent the Switzerland match behind Casillas’s goal. Inevitably she copped the blame for Spain’s defeat by distracting her man. Casillas claims not to have laid a glove on her but he didn’t on the ball either. Carbonero stuck a mic in front of Casillas at the whistle and asked him: "Why did you muck up?" He refused to answer but banned her from the goal and hasn’t "mucked up" since.
Capello, Fabio: Mucked up very badly. In fact, we wonder if Sven would have been better?
Donovan, Landon: The all-American hero played so well he could even win his estranged wife back. He and actress Bianca Kaljich are in reconciliation talks.
Domenech, Raymond: Picked team according to Tarot cards and astrology. "Go screw yourself, dirty son of a whore," Nicolas Anelka allegedly told him. Even England have never had anyone this bad.
England: (1) "The sad truth of the matter is that England’s players, with few exceptions, are an arrogant, ignorant and unpleasant lot. They are paid far too much by their Premier League clubs, where their true allegiance lies, and their ability individually and collectively in an England shirt does not match their swagger." Los Angeles Times. (2) The book trade delivered its own frank verdict on England. The memoir of England Frank Lampard, whose title is Totally Frank, appeared online on booksellers’ websites under the title "Totally Rank".
France: Must wish they’d given their place to Ireland.
Feefa: We thought we’d give them a mention (and prefer the irreverent South African spelling) for they pulled off the re-colonisation of South Africa in a few, short years. And to think the Swiss never had any colonies in the past! But hats off to them – Emperor Sepp I and his lackeys really showed the British, French, Dutch and Portuguese how it’s done.
Germans: Well, they weren’t typical. They missed a penalty (Podolski) and played some nice stuff and, according to their coach, were "inhibited". Don’t sound German at all. Well, Klose and Podolski were born in Poland, Cacau was a Brazilian tourist. Others have parents that are Bosnian, Tunisian, Ghanaian, Nigerian and Spanish.
Green, Robert: Only BP made a bigger spill and at least Green got a cap for his.
Heskey, Emile William Ivanhoe: Almost as many forenames as international goals. Sent on by Fabio Capello when England were 4-1 down to Germany, he was unable to overturn the deficit in the remaining few minutes. Possibly because Halley’s Comet visits more often than he scores.
HILTON, Paris: You just can’t keep her out of anything. Her private jet contributed to the plane jam at Durban airport, causing hundreds of fans to miss the Spain-Germany semifinal. The ultimate party animal then went on safari. Looking for her own kind? "Giraffes are hot," she tweeted, before claiming to have seen a tiger. The World Cup for brainless bimbos is still safely in her hands.
Honda: On way to becoming Japan’s Beckham. Amazing what a catchy name, a lot of talent and a little bleach will do.
Ireland: In the end, they didn’t feel so bad about Thierry Henry’s hand ball. Irish reporters admitted they might not have had as much fun if their country had played in the World Cup as they had laughing at the French.
Intruders: Joseph, Pavlos; Beckham, David. At least Pavlos was looking for the loo when he walked into the England dressing room. What was Beckham doing?
Jabulani ball: American space agency NASA has joined in the criticism of the Jabulani World Cup ball. Aerodynamic experts from Nasa’s Ames Investigation Centre stated the Jabulani becomes unpredictable at speeds above 70kph and also blamed the ball’s light weight of only 440g for its poor flight and lack of consistency – known as the "knuckle effect". Craig Johnstone – former Liverpool player and adidas Predator inventor Craig Johnston says the Jabulani has been "disastrous for the World Cup" and threatens to "drag the game back into the route one dark ages."
Jagger, Mick: Turned out to be the opposite of Paul the Octopus. The Rolling Stones front man was cheering for the US when they lost to Ghana. He then rooted for England, only to see them overwhelmed by Germany 4-1. Next he switched to Brazil, pointing out that his son was half-Brazilian and mad about football. He watched Brazil defeat Chile, and was in the stadium again to see them go down 2-1 to Holland. The final straw came when he backed hapless Argentina against Germany.
Kulula Airways: The South African budget carrier kept one step ahead of FIFA when they patented the sky.
Klose, Miroslav: Would have been snapped up by West Ham for free had he not had such a good World Cup. Bad luck, Hammers - Klose but no cigar.
Komono, Yuichi: Nicknamed "Good Luck" after surviving a series of heartbreaks that included damaged cruciate ligaments, thrombosis, a broken collar bone and an eye disease that causes blindness. It had to be him that missed the penalty. But not sure about awarding him a medal as his own state did though – a host of ex-England players have already begun pestering their local councils.
Lippi, Marcello: Never go back!
Maradona? Nah. Messi? Nah. Malaysia? Boleh! : Besides Subkhiddin Salleh, who acted as a fourth official, Malaysia can claim credit for bringing on one of the stars of the tournament – Thomas Mueller. The young German has given credit for his advancement to none other than Lim Teong Kim, master coach at Bayern Munich and former Malaysian national player.
Nike curse: First it was Gillette with Thierry Henry, Tiger Woods and Roger Federer, now it’s Nike’s superstars who’ve come crashing to earth. Of their World Cup stars, Ronaldinho didn’t make it and the rest did but wish they hadn’t. Messrs Cannavaro, Ronaldo, Rooney and Ribery had tournaments that seemed cursed. Which is what people are saying Nike’s World Cup was.
New York Post: Following its US wins 1-1 headline, the Big Apple paper excelled itself when it tried to console the US team after losing to Ghana. "It’s a stupid game anyway," was their front page banner. ‘Stupidity’ is a level to which such bitter and twisted football haters – apparently they also said the game is "un-American" – cannot even aspire to. Football is very happy to be un-American.
Okada: Japan coach won inscrutable face award for his reaction to losing on penalties.
Optimist award: Runaway win ner – Joe Cole. Said England could win the World Cup. Runner-up – North Korea coach Kim Jong Hun – for saying his side would be "welcomed home with open arms".
Oscar winner – Arjen Robben: The citation might read: "In spite of fierce competition and floods of fake tears, the Dutchman displayed real passion – managing to look as if he was in agony after the least little tug on his jersey and sometimes when there was no contact at all. His facial expressions were totally convincing – the referees bought it every time."
Paul, the octopus: Player – or at least pundit – of the tournament. He makes choices by putting a tentacle over a glass draped in a flag containing a mussel. At Euro, he was 80% correct; in South Africa he has been 100% right up to the final, including predicting Germany’s defeats to Serbia and Spain and their victory over Argentina.
Quagliarella: The Italian produced one of the best goals and best blubs of the tournament against Slovakia.
Riquelme, Larissa: Fan of the tournament. After the now-famous strategic placing of her hand phone, the Paraguayan model is an internet hit with five million Google searches. Too bad they got knocked out as she was going to run naked, wearing only body paint in the national colours, through the streets of the capital, Asuncion if they’d reached the semis. Latest news have it that she is still going ahead with her colourful run!
Ronaldo, Cristiano - Mother of all tournaments?
Not quite but he found a surrogate mum who has agreed to give him custody rights for their child whose name just happens to be Cristiano. In return Cristiano senior demands full anonymity for her - a bit surprising when the whole world has been watching his miss(u)s…
Suarez, Luis: After his "save" against Ghana, Maarten Stekelenburg, the Dutch keeper sent his Ajax teammate a text message, suggesting he was "the best goalkeeper of the tournament."
Torres, Fernando: Living Liverpool legend suffered the indignity of being called "Spain’s Heskey" by The Guardian. He’s consulting his lawyer but the more he plays the more like Heskey he becomes.
Terry, John: When his one-man revolt failed, he discovered that he was even less popular than Don Fabio.
Uruguay: Unlucky in both third-place playoff and semifinal. Should have played Suarez in goal against Germany.
Ugly: Algeria were voted the ugliest team, Wayne Rooney the ugliest player – just ahead of Franck Ribery – by a dating website. Must have only seen Franck’s best side.
Vuvuzela: According to The Onion, not everyone in South Africa is pleased about the instrument. The South African Vuvuzela Philharmonic Orchestra is upset that football matches have sprung to life during its concerts!
The World Cup: "During the World Cup people in Darfur and Somalia who should be fighting are glued to their televisions. So momentarily during the football game of 90 minutes there is no war, there is no fighting. That is the power of football." Kwesi Nyantakyi, the president of the Ghana FA. If Sepp Blatter hears that, he’ll be expecting the Nobel Peace Prize.
Xavi: Spain’s pass master makes more passes than some teams. (And a very useful name to have in this feature.)
Yakubu: Miss of tournament against South Korea that cost Nigeria a place in last 16.
Where is Zidane when you need him: Well, he was there, actually – sobbing gently as he watched France. When an American photographer was asked to snap him, he asked: "Who the hell is Zidane?’ Must have been from the New York Post.
It’s been a blast
FOR the past 31 days, save for the two-day breaks between rounds, two teams have been producing two different versions of our World Cup special. The eight-page Score In Play comes with your paper in the morning while the 16-page Score Extra Time is a stand-alone publication which is distributed at selected outlets from 10am, giving the latest action from South Africa.
To us at theSun, this is our hattrick. We produced our first "special edition" for the World Cup in Germany in 2006 and followed up with a similar one for Euro 2008 in Switzerland and Austria. And producing this one for the most popular sporting event in the Universe was both pain and pleasure for those of us on the graveyard shift. Because of the time difference, our nights became days and vice versa. While most of you were heading for work after the matches, we were going home after putting the paper to bed.
Because of two different editions which had to carry completely different stories lest we are accused of repetition, was a challenge we relished. For In Play, Bob Holmes, George Jayarajah, Greg Nunis and T.Vigneswaran had plenty of copy filtering in through our computers from dawn till dusk. However, it was a daunting task picking, editing and re-writing them to meet the requirements of our readers.
Bob, a veteran of several World Cups and an author of six books on sports, had to unearth his collection of books, magazines and even the official programme of the 1966 World Cup where his team beat Germany in the finals at Wembley.
On top of that, he had to pen his daily jotting and observations, not to mention his cameo appearances on radio, giving his expert views and commentaries. Bob’s trip down memory lane took us through various stages of his life and the World Cup itself. They gave an insight into the days when words like "sponsorship" and "intellectual property" were unheard of.
Writing regularly for In Play meant campaigns for good governance by R. Nadeswaran were put on the back-burner. However he went to where he started – writing sports. His biting commentaries on the abuses of "Feefa" and Sepp-tic Blatter were a change to match reports, analysis and commentaries.
Giving a different dimension to the extravaganza in the Rainbow nation, Citizen-Nades managed to turn up for the night edition with dreary eyes for a double-shift to surf the net and pick out gems and snippets to add spice to our reports and articles.
George and Vignes (with help from the graphics department) put In Play together plus the regular sports pages. At the end of it all, it was said by many readers that theSun gave the best perspective. We are not exactly blowing our own trumpets (or vuvuzelas if you please), but the comments and compliments we have received via phone calls and e-mail are testimony of this.
The head of sports, Navjeet Singh was "Captain Midnight", steering the night crew of five to get the editing done within an hour of the completion of the last match. Like the mad genius of Maradona, he coached with a firm hand but endeared himself to the team with his banter and focus on camaraderie – not to mention regular excursions to the bak kut teh stall during our very own "halftime" in between matches.
This was Navjeet’s third "tour of duty on the graveyard shift, and surely, there will be many more to come. His classic headings, the best being " "Sami Value" when Kedhira scored for Germany on Saturday was of no reference to Datuk Seri S. Samy Vellu who was fighting his own battle at the annual MIC conference the same day.
Editing the copy was a semi-retired friend who was re-called for duty – Santha Florence was the only rose among the thorns and she brought to the table the eye for detail that is characteristic of the fairer sex.
And making sure the page layouts were as catching as the stories that they presented was Colin Liang who is gifted with an artistic yet mathematical approach to subbing, layout and updating the tables. He was ably supported by the rotating crew from our Graphics Department.
Then there were the centre-spreads. The arduous task of picking the right pictures of fans caught up in the moment, with their face and body paints, their costumes and attire (or lack of them) fell onto the lap of Terence Fernandez, who for a month relished his role as centre-spread and WAGs (Wives and Girlfriends) editor.
Not only was he "burdened" with the daily grind of selecting among hundreds of pictures, he also had the additional load of going through the profiles of dozens of WAGs – striking a delicate balance between keeping readers (and the rest of us) happy while at the same time ensuring the authorities do not wag their finger at us for revealing too many plunging necklines! His exclusive with Paraguayan model Larissa Riquelme who promised to run around Asuncion nude was the icing on the cake.
Our production and IT support staff must be mentioned as they joined us on the editorial floor, ensuring that the computers, scanners and more importantly, three TV sets and large projection screen were in working order. They created enough din to drown the sounds of the vuvuzelas coming from the speakers. But it must be said that they kept us awake and alert, especially as all of us had stakes in the daily office pool.
Our distribution department stood up to the challenge of having to deliver theSun twice in the mornings. At 4am daily, the first lorry left the office for the deliveries of theSun only to return for another drop of Extra Time a few hours later. Some were at designated drop points while others handed out Extra Time at toll booths and LRT stations.
Last but not least, the advertisers and supporters who stood by us to ensure we put out a quality product and YOU, the readers who throughout the tournament faithfully picked up your copy of both editions and gave your honest feedback.
It has been a roller-coaster ride for all of us at theSun. It was not yet another World Cup – it was another learning experience. Would we be doing it all over again? You guessed it. We enjoyed producing both In Play and Extra Time and we hope you enjoyed the fruits of our labour. Continue reading theSun as we continue to tell it as it is – and who knows? We may get to do this all over again for Euro 2012!
NEWS WITHOUT BORDERS :: 
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