WHILE some families seem to have gentle dynamics, others appear fraught with strife and arguments among siblings. Some of these boil down to personality issues.

Put two strong-willed children in a room together and they are either going to fight it out until death (not literally though) or when one of them succumbs to defeat for the higher good of the family atmosphere.

That can be a hard call for a child who wants to be heard, so often the first option seems far more preferable.

As parents, it can be easy to both feel a little bit overwhelmed and worn out, and unsure how to respond. It makes sense for us to tell off them off for their negative behaviour because they will then get the message that what they are doing is not good.

However, making a big deal of negative behaviour often has exactly the opposite effect and our hopes of turning their behaviour around become another battle of wills – this time between us and the child.

It is better to start with the positive first – even if there are not many!

Many parenting experts suggest that you praise any "good" or appropriate behaviour when you see it. However, as parents and teachers will both attest, this often has exactly the opposite desired effect.

Instead of continuing their good behaviour, children often become more destructive or difficult after you have said something positive.

This is not very encouraging for a parent who is trying to improve the situation.

What you can do is quietly note the moment, and bring it up after the event such as over dinner or in the car somewhere. Starting the day with a positive comment or saying it just before bed can also be nice.

Make it as specific as possible. It does not matter if they cannot remember the incident. It is the praise that counts.

Something like: "I noticed you shared your truck with Jack today, and I thought that was really lovely sharing" works better than "I liked the way you and Jack played today".

Sometimes, we can get into a negative pattern of thinking about our children. It is a frustrating fact that the more we expect our children to play up, the more they do so.

They can read our expectations and lower their behaviour to match.

Expecting that they will actually do well or behave in a positive way can help lift the behaviour, too.

Planning to pre-empt negative behaviour helps change the patterns among your children. If you know they are more likely to argue when they are tired or hungry or bored (the three top reasons for misbehaviour), then accommodate these needs first.

Boredom can easily be fixed by giving them several "more boring" activities to do if they cannot work well together.

Good examples are giving them the option of resolving the problem, doing extra homework, tidying up their room or helping you with some chores. They will often amend their behaviour just to avoid the alternative.

Sometimes, it is just a matter of upping your one-on-one time with each child.

Younger children do need more of this, but will often also seek it out. They will come for cuddles and demand attention.

Older children will often want the time just as much, but will not ask for it directly.

Some sibling rivalry can come from one child feeling jealous about the amount of attention another is getting.

Just 10 minutes of undivided time a day for each child alone can often help build a more positive relationship with that child because it reassures the child that there is no need for jealousy.

PARENTING TIPS HERE are some useful pointers for first-time mothers as well as mothers with a new addition to the family. > SINGALONG SONGS Do not even think about setting off on a car journey with your children without singalong music. Let your children choose some of the songs or CDs and let them listen to your choices as well to help pass the time. > DO NOT STRESS ABOUT MESS Long car journeys with children are not the time to worry or fuss about the mess in the car. If you do this, everyone is likely to have a miserable time. Instead, try to accept that the car will be dirty by the end of the trip. Get it cleaned afterwards. > FIRST AID KIT Keep an emergency kit in your car so you’re never caught short, even on short trips. Include items like extra clothes, nappies or diapers, bottles, drinking cups, wipes, water bottles, etc, and non-perishable snacks. > KEEP A SURPRISE ON HAND If you’re on a long road journey with your children, keep some surprises ready, like a new toy for each of them which you can produce just as they are starting to get bored. Make sure you choose one that demands concentration to keep them preoccupied for a longer period. > MAKE TIME FOR BREAKS If time is of the essence and you need to be somewhere at a certain time, and it’s a long journey, do not assume your children will go the whole way without any stops. Do allow time in your schedule for plenty of extra stops and delays. > SAFE COMFORT Do not ever think about taking young children out of their car seats to comfort them while the car is moving. If the child is inconsolable, stop the car somewhere safe instead and get him out. It’s dangerous to have children in the car without appropriate safety gear. > GAME ON A PLATE Play a licence or number plate game with your older children by taking the letters from a car number plate and making a phrase out of it. For instance, the number plate AE54 SVB can be "African Elephants Smell Very Bad".